Surviving Mealtimes in Eating Disorder Recovery: A Guide for Parents
Blog Post by Contributing Editor Jeylim Wayne, LPC
As a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) specializing in eating disorders, I’ve worked with many families where mealtimes are described as emotional battlegrounds and the hardest part of the day. Parents are left feeling exhausted, hopeless, and unsure of how to support their child.
If you're caring for a child with an eating disorder—whether it's ARFID, anorexia, bulimia, or another diagnosis—learning how to navigate and survive mealtimes is one of the most powerful ways to build confidence and equip yourself with tools to support recovery.
1. Self-Regulation: Grounding Yourself First
Your ability to stay grounded and emotionally regulated during meals creates a sense of safety for your child. When anxiety and defiance rise, your calm presence can make all the difference.
Tip: Identify three go-to coping skills you can use during meals. Here are a few I often recommend:
● Deep breathing (alone or together with your child)
● Gentle distractions, like playing “rose and thorn” (the best and hardest part of the day)
● Fidget toys to channel nervous energy quietly and without disruption
2. Set Clear, Consistent Expectations
Clear expectations reduce anxiety for both you and your child. Establishing predictable mealtime rules helps eliminate confusion and reinforces that food is not optional.
Expectations might include:
● Completion of meals within a set timeframe
● Specific challenge food exposure days
● Boundaries around leaving the table or engaging in food rituals
Consistency builds trust and safety.
3. Use Direct and Indirect Prompts
When your child is frozen or disengaged during a meal, prompts can gently guide them back to the task. Use both verbal cues and nonverbal behaviors to support eating without confrontation.
Direct prompts:
● “Let’s take a bite together.”
● “What’s one thing on your plate you feel ready to try?”
● “Pick up your fork.”
Indirect prompts or modeling:
● Gently moving the plate closer to them
● Taking a bite of your own food calmly
● Demonstrating coping skills like deep breathing
4. Identify Motivators and Set Compassionate Consequences
Meal support can often be met with defiance, especially in ARFID where fear and sensory aversion are high. Knowing what motivates your child and establishing consequences can help create structure and accountability.
Motivators might include:
● Earning screen time or a preferred activity
● A recovery goal they care about (e.g., attending a birthday party or sport)
Consequences should be communicated calmly with compassion and safety in mind:
● “I know eating is hard today, but not eating puts your body at risk. If we don’t complete this meal, we may have to return to the treatment team for support.”
Focus on protecting your child versus punishment.
5. Offer Affirmations & Encouragement
While some kids resist praise during meals, affirming their effort can be an essential part of the healing process. Meal coaching works best when it’s paired with genuine encouragement, not just pressure.
Try statements like:
● “I know this is really scary, and I’m so proud of how you’re showing up.”
● “You’re doing something really brave right now.”
● “I’m right here with you. We’ve got this.”
Affirmations help your child feel seen and supported! Especially when the eating disorder is loud and overwhelming.
You Are a Vital Part of Recovery
There will be days when the eating disorder fights back hard. There will be moments when you feel like giving up. But please know: your presence at the table matters. Your love, structure, and steadiness are part of what helps your child heal.
Even on the toughest days, what you’re doing isn’t just "getting through dinner"— you’re literally saving your child’s life.
Jeylim Wayne, LPC
Founder and Therapist, Bloom and Blossom Counseling
About the Author: Jeylim Wayne is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder of Bloom and Blossom Counseling Services. She previously worked for Rock Recovery, working with clients individually and by running Rock Recovery’s virtual Bridge to Life therapy group and Breaking Bread Lunch therapy group. She specializes in eating disorders, ADHD, and play therapy. As a person of color, she is particularly passionate about breaking barriers to care and understanding cultural components of recovery. She uses IFS, RO-DBT, and person-centered approaches in treatment.