How to Find the Right Therapist
Blog Post by Contributing Editor Kelly Wakeland, LCSW
As we jump into Mental Health Awareness Month, you are likely to see more messages about the benefits of therapy and the importance of mental healthcare. If you’ve been considering finding a therapist for a while, these messages might push you to actually make that first phone call and start connecting with providers. But now that you’ve decided to start the search, where do you begin?!
You may be feeling confused by the litany of acronyms you find when you’re looking at therapist profiles online (CBT, EMDR, IFS, among many others). Do you go with someone in-network with your insurance or not, and if not, what does “cash-pay” mean? Speaking of cash-pay, what in the world is a Superbill? All of this and more can feel overwhelming when trying to find the right therapist for you, but there is good news! By deciding that you’d like to seek mental health support, you’ve already taken a huge step.
We’ll start with general questions about therapy, and then move into the logistics of connecting with someone and starting to work together.
How do I know in advance if I’ll connect with a therapist?
As much as we all wish there was a quick and easy way to know whether we’ll vibe with a therapist, the reality is that it may take some testing out. Research shows that the clinical relationship is the cornerstone of therapy and fundamental to the client’s success in therapy (Opland & Torrico, 2024). Not modality (type of therapy used), not years in practice, not in-network vs. out-of-network; it’s the connection. That makes sense when you think about it, right? Therapy is hopefully a place where you feel safe enough to be vulnerable and share what your struggles are, and some of those might be pretty personal. Feeling comfortable sharing those parts of yourself is what allows any modality or therapeutic work to happen.
You may feel connected to a therapist because of a similar background, life experience, or shared demographic traits. As a client, you are well within your rights to work with someone you feel comfortable with, AND sometimes therapy is meant to be challenging. A good therapist will help you to feel safe sharing intimate parts of your life while also highlighting areas that may benefit from a change, reflecting on your part in patterns present in your life, and helping you to recognize that two things can be true at once: you were doing the best you could and there’s room to improve.
What should therapy feel like?
As stated above, therapy should be a place where you feel comfortable being open about what you want to work on. If you have a specific problem that you are looking for support with, you may want a specific treatment plan with regular check-ins and have your treatment be very goal-oriented. If you view therapy more like a tool for psychological maintenance, it may be more free flowing and open ended - either option and the spectrum in the middle are all fine. Therapy can often feel warm and comforting, however there also may be times when you feel challenged, uncomfortable, or dysregulated. This is normal and is actually part of good therapy!
What type of therapy is right for me?
There are many “three letter” types of therapy out there, and it can feel alienating if you aren’t familiar with these terms. Don’t worry, it is not your job to be well-versed in various therapeutic options as a client. For modalities that have “letter-B-T” nomenclatures, the B-T stands for, “behavioral therapy.” The most common forms are CBT and DBT, standing for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. Both are well-regarded and evidence-based (meaning there has been research showing that therapy done in this way improves mental health outcomes) for a multitude of diagnoses: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, panic disorders, phobias, suicidal ideation, and PTSD to name a few. They have the framework that our thoughts and emotions can impact our actions and work to identify and change unhelpful thought patterns.
IFS (Internal Family Systems) is a modality you may come across as well, which says that we have different parts inside us that react to different experiences in different ways. The goal is to have the true you be in the driver’s seat, rather than a part that is reactionary or overly emotional. IFS can be used with individuals, couples, and families dealing with a wide range of mental health symptoms, including anxiety, depression, trauma, relationship issues, and more.
Another common acronym you may see is EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). EMDR can often help clients who have experienced trauma, and trained therapists engage clients in decreasing the intensity of reactions to certain memories or experiences, and reprocessing them in more neutral terms while clients experience bilateral (both the right and left sides of the body) stimulation. This is often done either with a light bar that guides the eyes side to side, physical tapping, or auditory stimulation.
Now that you have a better idea about what to expect when starting therapy, let’s look at the steps you may take to find a therapist.
Where to start? How do I find a provider?
You may feel tempted to search, “therapist near me” and go from there, but by doing so, you may miss out on a lot of other therapists who would be a great fit, as not every therapist has a website or shows up on page one of a Google search. There are a multitude of therapist directories online where you can look through therapist profiles to see introductory videos from the providers, pictures of office spaces, and insurance/pricing information all in one place. Check out Psychology Today, Therapy Den, Good Therapy, Inclusive Therapists, or Better Therapists for starters. This is not an exhaustive list! Another great option would be to speak with your primary care physician or a doctor you trust, as they may have providers they can refer you to. Knowing that they are trusted by your medical team can be a big plus.
Insurance vs. Private Pay
The decision of whether to see a therapist who accepts your insurance or pay out of pocket (i.e. “cash pay” or “private pay”) really comes down to your finances and what you feel would be most helpful for you. Therapists choose to accept or not accept insurance for a variety of reasons, and there are caring and talented therapists on each side of the spectrum. If you find a provider that you really connect with and they do not accept insurance, you can always see if they offer sliding scale or reduced price slots for those in need. You can also always ask to see a therapist every other week if that would make paying out-of-pocket more financially feasible. It’s always a good idea to call your insurance company to see what your in-network behavioral health benefits are AND what your out-of-network behavioral health benefits are before you start meeting with a therapist. You may be eligible for partial reimbursement, even if you see a provider who is out-of-network, making private pay a more feasible option. Finally, most providers can give clients a Superbill, which is like a receipt for therapeutic services. For more information on Superbills, check here.
Ask for a consultation.
Most providers will offer a free consultation with clients to give both themselves and the client an opportunity to see if they are a good fit. This can range from a short 10-minute phone call, to a longer consultation session, it just depends on the provider. These consultations can be helpful as they give you an opportunity to ask questions, such as what modality a provider uses, what their specialties are, availability, and cost for services. Therapists also use this time to assess what a client is looking for and see if they can provide the best care. If a therapist realizes that they aren’t a good fit for you, they should tell you up front and you can always ask for referrals to other providers who are better suited to your needs.
Make the jump from consultation to first appointment.
Most providers will have an “intake appointment,” which is just another way of saying first appointment. In this session, you likely won’t dive right into the core of the issue you’re seeking therapy for, rather, it will be more of a comprehensive session to learn about you, your history, the problem you’re hoping to address, and goals for treatment. Think of it as a longer version of a consultation call. Once you have connected with a provider and scheduled an intake, try your hardest to keep it! Often the desire to go to therapy feels really intense and immediate, causing people to reach out to multiple providers and schedule many consultations. Keep the momentum going by keeping that intake appointment and seeing where it goes. Starting therapy is often the hardest part, you owe it to yourself to keep showing up.
What if it doesn’t work out?
Of course, when we start working with someone, we hope that we’ve done our due diligence and will feel comfortable continuing to see a therapist as we work through our issues. However we don’t always get it right. This is also a normal part of the therapeutic process and doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything wrong. If you’re not getting the support you’re looking for, feel uncomfortable in sessions, or it just isn’t feeling like a good fit, you have the right to address it with your therapist and, if needed, end therapy with that provider. Try to verbalize with your therapist what isn’t feeling right, or where the disconnect is between the therapy you’ve received and what you’re looking for. If there is a more general complaint or frustration, you can share that too! While doing so may feel uncomfortable, it can either help the therapist address the concern and strengthen your relationship by moving forward, or, if you’ve made the decision to seek therapy with a new provider, sharing your feelings with your therapist can be a great way to practice engaging in conflict in a healthy way. If it just isn’t working out, your therapist can provide referrals to others who may be a better fit.
Conclusion
Finding a therapist can seem daunting, but, hopefully, you can use this as a reference for where to go, what to ask about, and what to expect on your journey! Finding the right therapist for you is worth it, and I hope you find the provider that you need. You deserve support, and there’s a therapist out there who can be exactly what you need. Healing and recovery are possible, and you don’t have to go through it alone!
Kelly Wakeland, LCSW
Founder/Therapist, Golden Hour Wellness
About the Contributor: Kelly Wakeland, LCSW is the founder and owner of Golden Hour Wellness, a private practice focusing on treating eating disorders and body image concerns for all individuals aged 12 and up. Kelly also treats those who are dealing with anxiety, depression, life transitions, and stress. Kelly focuses on creating an inclusive and affirming environment for all her clients, and brings warmth and levity to sessions alongside evidence-based therapy to improve the lives of those she works with. Kelly is licensed in California, Connecticut, Florida, and Virginia, and is able to provide telehealth care. When not providing therapy, Kelly enjoys reading, walks on the beach in San Diego, and playing with her German Shepherd Rosie (who sometimes makes an appearance in sessions!).